The girl that you love, girl you loath
by Liz Jean Tonks
Summary: As if Draco didn't have enough problems with the Dark Lord's task - now it seems he has to date Granger to stay alive./Dramione/Draco's perspective/Fake daiting/Same universe and plot as "I was caught in the way you got me."/ "The only thing they had in common was their mutual loathing, and that was generally not a very good basis to start any positive relationship."
1. Chapter 1

Hello to everyone who reads this! This is a parallel story to _'I was caught in the way you got me',_ only from Draco's perspective of view. While writing the other story I realised it is a shame not to know what Draco's thinking, and this story is so much fun I decided to write his perspective as well. I won't be updating it as regularly as the other story, I think, and _actually_ , I don't have quite the time to come up with new projects, but anyway, I will simply do it!

You should maybe read at least Chapter one of the original _I was caught in the way you got me_ , because otherwise the plot might confuse you. Generally, I of course advise you to read the entire original story ;)

The story takes place somewhere in year 6. Ron dates Lavender already, but it's not 100% in accordance with the timeline in Harry Potter.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter 1:**

Draco ran away, into the only place he felt somehow secure. His entire body was shaking, and he felt how tears came up.

In the bathroom, Myrthle awaited him again. At the beginning he had found the ghost more than annoying, but now he had the feeling she could be quite encouraging.

'What's wrong?,' she said, 'tell me, I promise I'll keep it to me.. You know my secrets, too, don't you?'

Indeed the ghost had sworn to stay secret about Draco, and for some reason, she could be trusted. Draco was shaking. 'It was me,' he said, his voice trembling, 'I attacked that girl, and it didn't work, and...' He started to wash his face, but it didn't stop the tears.

'You know,' she said charmingly, 'in case you want to drown yourself, I will always keep you company...'

Draco wasn't listening. The Dark Lord would kill him.

'What is it?,' she said softly.

'It's… it's not working', he stammared under tears. 'They must be suspecting… and I… if they know… if he knows… if he finds out, he'll kill me…'

He cried in despair, and sobbed.

'If he does, my offer stands...,' Myrthle purred. 'But I'm sure you will be fine, and everyone will be fine... Noone has been killed inisde this castle, apart from me...'

Draco shook his head, 'No… it won't… and he told me he wouldn't be… merciful towards my family again…' He interrupted himself by a loud cry, and tears were flickering on the ground.

Then a voice almost made him jump. Someone had opened the door.

But no, noone ever came in here... If someone saw him like this... If someone heard him...

'Draco?'

Someone _had_ entered. And although the voice was gentle and calm, Draco was surely not in the mood for visitors.

He whirled around, and looked straight into Hermione Granger's eyes. There was fear and despair in his eyes, and his voice, for once, didn't sound arrogant or appraisingly. 'Get lost.'

Granger approached him. Draco felt his heart beating faster. How long had she been in front of the door? 'What did you hear?'

She ignored his question. 'Did you… are you responsible for these attacks?', she asked in disbelief.

Malfoy rooted in his pocket for his wand, and took it out. 'Forget what you heard, and get out.' He tried to keep his voice firm and steady.

She drew her wand, too.

'Don't make me obliviate you!', he said, but his voice was shaking, and so was his hand holding the wand tightly.

'Expelliarmus!', she said, before Draco could even think of attacking her, and catched the wand easily. Malfoy flinched. This girl definitley was a match for him, and if she indeed heard him talking, she would know...

'Get lost, Mudblood, I'm telling you…'

'I don't want to fight', she said, sounding a bit annoyed, 'I need to know if you are attacking everyone here, because if you are I will have to report it-'

'Don't go to Dumbledore!' She must've heard it all. She knew. It was over. If Dumbledore found out, the Dark Lord would find out, and he would be killed. And so would be his mother... his father... The tears didn't stop flooting, athough he tried to keep them unseen from her.

But then she talked again.

'Okay', she said slowly, 'I won't tell this anyone.' His breathing suddenly came back to normal. She wouldn't tell, he was safe... But was she for real? He eyed her, suspecting. Hermione took a breath. 'But I need to ask a favour of you, too.'

Though being relieved, his stomach twitched. 'What is it?'

'Erm, well. Now, it's kind stupid…' She squirmed. Draco wondered what kind of a favour it was Hermione Granger would ask from him.

'Actually, I need to ask you to pretend you are going out with me. Like, you know, dating.'

Draco tore open his eyes. 'You're joking, Granger.'  
'I wish I was', she sighed. 'But I need Ron to believe I'm your girlfriend. Don't think I'm enjoing this or anything.'

Was she crazy? He would never do that. In light of such a suggestion, he actually forgot his worries for a second. He shook his head. 'No way. No way. You're a mudblood. I got a reputation.'

Granger shrugged.

'Fine, I'll be going to the headmaster then, telling him you might have put your hands on Katie Bell. He can interrogate Myrthle about it. And I might let slip in front of your Slytherin friends you were whining like a baby, too.'

His body started to shake again. No. He couldn't let this happen. For a second he considered both options. Nothing would embarasse him more than hanging out with Granger. But the thought of her going to Dumbledore was too dreadful to be thought. The girl already turned around, and went to the door.

'Okay, fine!', Draco called her back. She looked in his face. He looked way more dreading again, and took a deep breath.

'You keep quiet about what you saw and heard, and I will pretend to be your… boyfriend or whatever. But apart from that, you'll stay a mudblood to me.'

She nodded, her expression quite cold.

'And no word to anyone about this relationship-thing outside school, especially my parents.' He was glad he had thought of saying that to her; his mother, his entire family would go crazy. And she had enough worries.

Granger nodded.

'But Malfoy, if you are attacking anyone else I will have to report it.'

He started biting on his lip. He wished he knew how much she had heard. Was this just empty words, or had she been there the whole time, had heard how he had talked to Myrthle about attempting to kill Bell – or rather, Dumbledore.

'You have no prove. I never confessed I attacked Bell, and it's none in your business to know whether I have.'

She glared at him.

'Maybe I got no prove, yet. But Dumbledore'd be interested in what I have heard either way.'

Draco was scared. He dreaded nothing more than that she might be seeing Dumbledore about him. If the headmaster started interrogating... He would find out, for certain.

'So we got a deal?'

He stared at her.

'Deal.'

* * *

 _/I guarantee you'd keep it secret/So give it to me now/We're lost in a dream now/_

* * *

Please let me know what you think! And thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Draco stared out of the window. He couldn't believe, that, between all the things that were going on, he actually had caught himself another problem, labeled 'Mudblood'. How was he supposed to concentrate on his task if he had to pretend to be Granger's boyfriend? It felt so ridiculous, given what was on his mind currently... But he had no choice. He never had had a choice.

'Hey, Draco, something wrong?' Pansy let herself fall in the chair next to her. Draco nodded gloomily. He didn't want to know what his house would do with him when they found out about him dating a Mudblood. And he wouldn't even be able to tell them the truth about their deal...

Sometimes, he simply hated his life. And what was Pansy doing her asking him if he was allright? Obviously he was not allright. His father was in jail, and the Dark Lord...

Draco shuddered by the mere thought of him. He must not be suspected by anyone in the school, or it could mean his end. Just like failing. The Dark Lord had told him. He had to carry out the deed, he had been chosen... Draco took a deep breath, as he felt his heart was racing again. ' _Breath, Draco...'_ But in spite of concentrating on calm breathing, he didn't manage to calm himself down.

Pansy started to gossip about some Ravenclaws as Blaise and Goyle joined them. Draco stood up. He wouldn't listen to their rubbish for one second. Had they no other worries? The times the other houses and students were the most important thing to talk about were definitely over.

Feeling them gazing after him, he left the common room. He would be going to the only place that was left for him.

VVVV

'Draco!' Draco turned around, and rolled his eyes. Granger. Great. His day just kept getting better and better. 'Yes? I'm sort of in a hurry.'

Granger, too, looked rather annoyed. Draco sometimes wondered what was on everyone's mind. What did they have to fear? Sometimes he just felt like shouting out to the world what he had to do, and what he had to dread, maybe it would make them shut up about their trifles.

'Me too. I just figured, maybe we could, erm, hang around this evening somewhere on the grounds, it is quite nice weather at the moment. You know, sorting things out.'

Draco stared at her, then shrugged. 'I don't have a choice, have I?'

'Urm, I think not.'

'Well. See you then, Granger.'

And off he went, groaning. Somehow, he would have to get over with this.

VVVV

Carefully, he turned around, checking if noone was following him – particularly not Granger. He had gotten rather paranoid the last few months, but who wouldn't. When he reached the room, he closed his eyes. _I need the place to prepare for my plot._

As he opened his eyes again, he saw the door had appeared. With a relieved smirk and a last look over his shoulder, he sneaked inside.

VVVV

Draco stayed a long time into the room of requirement. Over his work he almost forgot he had to meet Granger. Desperate, he wiped over his eyes. It wasn't working. He wasn't even making any progress; he would fail. Snivelling, he picked up his wand. He wished he had a mirror, to check if there were any tears in his eyes. Just then, a mirror appeared at the wall. He looked inside, and swallowed. He looked exhausted, and his face was full of marks from his tears. 'Aguamenti,' he whispered, and started to wash his face, then checked again. Yes, now he could dare to go under people again. With a last, deep breath, he left his favourite place, arming himself to pretend everything was normal.

VVVV

It was the most uncomfortable situation. They were sitting in front of the lake, under a tree. Noone knew what to say to each other, because both usually either ignored or insulted one another.

Hermione spoke, finally, after a while.

'Urm, I s'ppose we won't have to hang out all day long.'

'That never was my intention.' Draco rolled his eyes. Couldn't that girl come straight to the point? She usually did in lessons, why not now?

'Erm, yeah. Well, basically I only need you to kind of be with me from time to time when Ron's around.'

This actually made him smirk a slightly bit. The Mudblood and the blood traitor... Well they suited each other, that was for sure. 'Do you care to tell me why you want Weasley to think we are dating?'

'It just sort of happened, anyway, that's not for you to care about.'

'Right. I'm merely suffering under it.'

'Well, it's your decision. You could have rejected.'

As if she had given him a choice. She had blackmailed him, that simple. She played as dirty as her blood was.'Yeah, right. And you would have run to Dumbledore,' he said, glancing at her, furiously.

'Maybe you should stop attempting murder if you don't want to be reported about it. Because, you know, I'm pretty sure you're right they are suspecting you. Dumbledore's no idiot.'

Draco flinched. Did she know something? She must not know... Mustn't know how close she was with her guesses... He straightened himself and said, with a firm voice: 'I never attacked Bell. And you should shut up about it if you want me to do that little favour to me.'

Hopefully she wouldn't be too stubborn about it. It could cause quite some problems if she was, because what she had to hold against him, was, as far as he was concerned, weighing way more than what he had to hold against her. She was merely embarrassing herself if she backed away from the deal, he, on the other hand... was likely to be killed.

'I guess this conversation is now concluded', Draco said, after a few couples of uncomfortable silence.

'I guess', she replied, getting up. Draco sighed inwardly, relieved.

Then he raised, too. 'Well, bye then.'

She nodded. 'Bye.'

Draco got going. He wished he could be going to the common room, doing homework, playing cards, or maybe just sleep... But he couldn't. He had to make progress. He must not fail. Draco's face paled already.

'Could you maybe catch up with me tomorrow in the great hall?', she called after him. Draco turned around. Was this really happening? He had to kill the headmaster, to prevent his own murder, and she had to meet Granger tomorrow again? But he could not chose his answer. 'Yeah I will.'

'Erm, cool. Just make it look as if we were meeting out of coincidence', she added.

He nodded, annoyed. 'Yeah. Is that all then?'

'Yes.'

And Draco went back to the place he could escape to, wishing he could just stay there...Hide from Granger, hide from Voldemort. Forever. Grow old in this room. He sighed. Why did it have to be him?

'You were chosen, consider it as an honour,' a voice whispered.

'I can't do this,' he said aloud, looking into the mirror. 'I... I cannot...' Thankfully, you couldn't hear through the walls of the room of requirement, or the students passing would have wondered who was crying inside that desperate, as if his life depended on his screams.

* * *

 _It's better to burn than to fade away/It's better to leave than to be replaced_

* * *

 **A/N: So that is the second chapter. Perhaps I will be able to upload another one tomorrow, but most likely not. I willl disappear for november - I'm doing NaNoWriMo and I will work on another project. However, I WILL update in december and I hope you guys stick with the story until then :) Please leave a review if you enjoyed it or simply want to point something out, I'm always open for criticism. Have a fabulous november!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

On his way back he tried to calm himself a little bit. When he approached the dungeons he noticed some people looked at him in an odd sort of way, but he checked his face several times in the mirror, he looked alright.

He approached their common room and entered. The looks hadn't stopped. Two third years stared at him in such an indiscrete way Malfoy didn't care to watch out not to step on their feet. Then he noticed no one else of his friend's – or pals – were around. Annoyed, he sat himself on an armchair, but sitting here without people to talk to and with nothing to think about but dark thoughts, he thought he'd do better to search them and try to get distracted. His mother had told him to keep his friends close.

Friends.

He went outside, planning to simply lingering in the corridors seeing if Blaise or anyone would show up, but he didn't even have to wait long; he heard Pansy's voice from above. She sounded annoyed, but Draco figured she'd be a better company then no one, and so he walked up the stairs to join her.

She seemed to be in some kind of an argument with someone. Draco frowned and carefully got up the stairs. Pansy and the Patil twins stood opposite from each other, their expressions a bit angry. She whirled around as she noticed him. 'Hey,' he said, 'is there something -'

'There you are,' she snapped. He stared at her and hoped his vague idea of what she might be on about would prove itself to be wrong. 'What's -'

'Stories, Draco,' she said sharply and crossed her arms in front of her chest. His eyebrows curled.

'Go on,' he said.

'What is it what they are saying about you and... that Granger-mudblood?'

He swallowed; he had seen it coming but now when it struck him he didn't quite know what to say to it. Parvati looked at him challenging.

'Let's get to our common room,' he said coldly, but Pansy didn't move.

'You don't deny it,' she said. He shrugged and turned away.

'Malfoy!,' she said in a shrill voice. 'What is that? They are lying, aren't they? As if you would -' She stopped.

'Just hold your breath, Pansy,' he said annoyed. 'It's none of your business.'

'It's none of my – is that a confession, Draco? Are you serious?'

Draco had nothing to reply. He just wanted out. Without another word, he turned away from Pansy and the twins, ignored Seamus' flabbergasted face when he passed him and saw that he was out of the castle. He was sick of those trifles. What was wrong with everyone?

VVVV

While he was looking at the castle from the outside, examining its walls and grounds, Draco came to the conclusion that he had been stupid. Stupid by letting him get cornered by Granger, stupid to do what she told him.

Because she could always pressure him. She had blackmailed him once, and he had bowed down. If she was only a little smart – and after all, Hermione Granger was a lot of things, but not stupid – she knew what to do now to get him to do anything he wanted.

So he had to play as dirty as she was, only he had not a single ace under his sleeve. He had to make sure she didn't notice how important it all was for him – and at the same time he had to make sure to give her no reason to get mad at him and tell on him.

He took a deep breath and tried to tell himself that everything was going to be fine. He was only going to pretend to date her. There were worse things. No one apart from her suspected him – after all, anyone could have seen him; if it had been Potter, surely he would have ran to Dumbledore by now. He just had to be even more careful, and everyone would be fine. That was at least what he told himself over and over again.

VVVV

Pansy ignored him at lunch but if Draco was completely honest, it actually suited him. He didn't feel like talking anyway. But when he got up, he almost stumbled over Granger.

Draco's eyes flashed a little as he saw the girl. Inwardly sighing, he decided to better keep his promise to avoid further discussions, and walked after her. She walked pretty fast, almost like she was on the run. Draco hurried a bit and tapped her on the shoulder. She whirled around.

'Erm, hi,' he said.

To his irritation she didn't even looked pleased with him. She blushed, and looked more annoyed than satisfied.

Like it had been up to him. It was her after all who had had the idea.

'Erm, how are you?,' she asked. If that was her trying to sound casual, she failed thoroughly.

'Quite well.'

People passed them, looked curiously. Draco thought of what the others were thinking and figured if they did this, they should do iot right. Carefully he reached our for her hand. She looked at him in friendly surprise, and for a moment, way too long for Draco's liking they stood there, in the centre of everyone's attention, holding hands. Draco didn't dare to think what would happen if his parents ever found out what he was doing here.

Or his parent, more like it. He swallowed and tried not to think of his father.

But it wasn't only his parents who must never find out about him letting himself be spotted with a mudblood, that wouldn't be the worst.

But if those news would somehow spread, he thought of Bellatrix, for instance, and _he_ would find out...Like he hadn't enough to fear.

Hermione moved a little bit closer to him, and whispered him into his ear.

'God, this sucks.'

He nodded slightly, and changed his voice to a whisper, too. 'Is that enough?'

To his, and her, if he spotted correctly, relief she nodded. 'Yeah, I guess.'

Their hands let go from one another and for several seconds, they merely stared at each other. Draco had the urge to simply go away, but he had the feeling it didn't quite fit the situation right now. Hermione seemed uncertain of what to do, too.

'Well, I'll see you later then?,' she said.

Draco frowned. Later? What that for? He had stuff to do, he couldn't…. But she had not sounded questioningly, but inquiringly.

'Yes,' he said, annoyed. People around them whispered and he wondered whether they had noticed the edge in his voice. 'See you.'

* * *

 _/I've never so adored you/I'm twisting allegories now/I want to complicate you/don't let me do this to myself/_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

It had been Hermione, again, who had arranged their meeting in the library this afternoon. Draco had agreed most reluctantly and was now staring on his parchment. He should be doing his homework, but he could neither concentrate nor did he think what he was supposed to do for tomorrow's classes would have particular impact on his life – not in light of the fact he had to be careful to stay alive. Draco sighed, put down his quill and bent down to his bag to get out his notebook.

Unless someone entered the library and they felt the need to pretend they'd be an enamoured couple, they did not talk. He didn't even need to look at Granger to feel her staring eyes resting on him, and he wondered why she couldn't just do her homework and leave him alone. She had practically been staring at him half the time – and from what he knew about her, it was most unusual for her not to look at her books and parchment for more than a few seconds. What did she expect him to do, run away?

He scribbled something into his book, figuring it might help him to put on paper everything he knew – everything he had found out so far about the Vanishing Cabinet, and what still had to be done, but in stead of assuring him, it made him even more frantic. Draco had to put down his quill and concentrate on his breathing for a moment. He often got like this lately when he thought of what lay ahead, and what was on stake – it felt like he couldn't get any more air, as if his breathing had ceased. He gasped a little and calmed himself down a little bit.

Pansy didn't talk to him any more, so it seemed. Ever since they had met on the staircases they had barely seen each other, but from what Draco gathered, she had told almost the entire school – or rather, the part that didn't know already, about him and Granger, and not in a gentle way.

Well. Whatever.

Someone walked past them, and Hermione bent over to him. He looked up, and wondered if she couldn't get it a rest – she was so obsessed with the idea of them, it was scary. But now he had risen his head he actually noticed that almost everyone's eyes seemed to lay on them.

'God, this sucks…,' he mumbled, 'everyone starring at us as if they had never seen a boy and a girl sitting in the library.' It certainly seemed that way.

'They are probably rather astonished you are sitting with a mudblood,' replied Granger.

Draco shrugged. 'Well, they have a right to be, haven't they?,' he said dryly. 'I usually chose my company more carefully.' How casual his voice sounded. No one, ever, would have guessed what had been on his mind a few minutes ago. Draco had never been more proud of his acting – and at the same time he had the feeling that although he didn't mind pretending in front of Hermione Granger, it was no good for him to lie to himself – but acting normal was so _easy_...

'Too bad you didn't got to chose it this time,' she said, her voice rather sharp.

His lips curled. 'Like I said. I got a reputation.'

He had to swallow when he thought of his family, when he thought of his father, and their esteem amongst the Death Eater ranks... He wouldn't want to know what they would think, or do, about him and his family if they found out about the situation he had brought himself in. They would never understand that under normal circumstances he would have never bothered with someone like Granger.

'I don't know what you're aiming at, Granger, I really don't. But be assured, given the choice, I'd already put a cruciatus curse on you and your family. I will never take a liking on Muggles,' he eyed her scornfully, 'or muggleborns.'

Draco rose his glance to check on the clock, and closed his notebook.

'Is this enough, then?,' he asked annoyed.

'Don't be so on edge,' she hissed, 'they are watching!'

He rolled his eyes, and made his voice sound more gentle, reminding himself he was not to displease her. 'Sorry. So can I go now?'

'Yeah sure. Tomorrow same time?'

He nodded, not quite sure yet how he was ever going to fulfil his task if Granger was blocking his afternoons, packed his stuff and was about to leave.

Hermione cleared her throat. 'Urm, Draco, maybe you should…'

'What?' He looked more annoyed again, but couldn't help wincing when she addressed him by his first name -the first time, he realised.

'I dunno, maybe you should hug me for goodbye or something,' she stammered. 'I mean, you know, as couples do.'

He rolled his eyes, but nevertheless, he gave her a hug. It was the most reluctant way of hugging someone they both had ever experienced and Draco hoped no one was watching – although he realised, for Hermione it was the other way around: She wanted people to see them together.

When he realised of her and gave her an annoyed look he noticed that she had blushed, and looked almost as uncomfortable as him. 'Erm, bye then,' she said.

'See you.' And off he went.

VVVV

Draco ran over the court, through the cold. He had been outside for the entire evening, intending to come up with a further plan, or to simply get his minds of things – neither had worked, though. Now he was hurrying to be in time for his meeting with Pansy – she had asked him to catch up with him outside around this time to talk to him. Although Draco had tried to tell himself he didn't care whether she was talking to him, he now felt that he did indeed want to make up with her.

Pansy was already awaiting him, and with her was Blaise. Draco groaned inwardly, wondering what to expect and then walked up to them. Pansy turned to him.

'Hi,' he said uncertainly, and hated himself for how he presented himself lately. What was wrong with him? Why would he owe them an apology, anyway.

Pansy glared at him. 'Hi,' she said, her voice a little bit cold.

'What do you want?,' asked Draco, now a little bit more confident – to his relief.

'Talk to you,' she said shortly.

Draco crossed his arms, determined not to make the first step. 'I'm listening,' he pointed out.

Pansy hesitated. 'I was a little bit on edge the other day, and – and I'm sorry.'

Blaise just looked from one to the other.

'Okay,' Draco said, and pushed himself from the wall. 'If that's all -'

'Not quite,' she said quickly, and took his arm. 'Draco, you gotta admit what you are doing is stupid and – and we would have never expected you to -'

'Pansy, do me and yourself the favour to shut up.'

'But a mudblood, Draco, honestly! And Granger, of all -'

'Pansy, it's none of your business!,' said Draco, his voice much louder now.

'But Draco,' Blaise said now, 'what are you thinking? You can't tell us that this is a wise move currently and -'

'What happened to your pride?,' interrupted Pansy. 'What happened to your good sense? What happened to all our traditions, all what we stand for, what happened to Slytherin, would you rather be off in Gryffindor with that mudblood?'

The thought of her thinking he had lost everything he had always been holding most dearly was unbearable. Draco was almost about to tell them everything, show them he was the same, he still was holding up his reputation, and their house's reputation... But they didn't know about Voldemort, or anything else – and what was worse, actually? Seeing a mudblood or letting yourself get pushed to the ground by a mudblood? So he said nothing, and let her carry on.

'I just cannot believe it Draco – it's a shame – I mean, what are your parents saying to all that? You're insulting your entire family!,' Pansy just said.

'Oh, shut up,' Draco said. He tried to keep calm. He mustn't lose his nerve now. He noticed a shadow between the walls, frowned slightly – was Snape watching him, again? - and then turned to Pansy and Blaise. 'You guys really get on my nerve. I haven't told father yet, and you'd better shut your mouths about it.'

Yes, that was good. If Pansy and Blaise had only a little bit of good sense, they would obey him – he hoped. Maybe it had some good his father was locked up in Azkaban, far away, after all...

'Don't you feel some sort of pride of being a pureblood?,' Blaise asked. 'I always figured you, of all people, would be the last one to-'

'Shut up. Just shut up. I'm not discussing this with you, especially not here.'

With those words he turned around, glanced at the walls – but no one seemed to be there. He had planned on returning to the room of requirement but his friends had other ideas.

'She's a mudblood!,' repeated Pansy when they ran after him. 'Granger… Draco, why?'

Draco ignored her, and told himself just to be quiet.

Himself. Like there was no one else he could talk to – and he realised there was no one indeed. He was all by himself, all alone, everything down to him. When he had been younger he would have dreamt of such a mission, the responsibility, the ability of making decisions, all by yourselves – but now he was standing here, hoping nothing more than that someone else could tell him what to do and what to say.

* * *

 _Picture girls we want so badly/Isn't she a dream come true?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

Like Granger had ordered him, Draco went to the library the next day, too – and the day after. He wondered what she was aiming at with them seeing each other, he seriously doubted anyone who saw them would believe them to be together.

'Do you think they buy it?,' he asked quietly, lowering his gaze from the ceiling to look at Granger.

She shrugged. 'Hopefully.'

'I don't think we are a convincing couple.'

Draco started to believe that maybe this whole arrangement wasn't because Granger wanted to show everyone she had a boyfriend, but because she wanted to keep him from going to the room of requirement – maybe she had figured out that he was up to something faster than he'd expected. The thought made his heart race – after all, she wasn't stupid – but would she really do that? It wasn't like she cared about what he did. Although, she had seemed very interested in what happened to Katie Bell... Just typically for Gryffindors, they all always wanted to play the hero...

'No, me neither,' she said now. 'Can you at least be very, well, boyfriendish when Ron shows up? If he shows up?'

He looked at her, questioning everything he had just thought out. Maybe she just was here because of Weasley, after all – even if it made little sense.

But why would a mudblood make sense, anyway.

He couldn't help but rolling his eyes – but he nodded.

'Blimey, everyone is hating me for sitting here with you,' Hermione mumbled.

Definitely she didn't enjoy this any more than he did, that was clear – but why was she here, then?

'Well, you can talk. I'm the one ruining my honour and reputation, while you get to sit next to one decent wizard for once.' He stared at the ceiling again, trying not to think of his family or what Pansy had said the other day – because he couldn't help but thinking that she had made good points – of course, he would never tell her that, but she had been quite right...

Hermione glared at him. 'Excuse me?'

He didn't reply, being lost in his thoughts. This entire thing would have been a No-Go for his parents even if it weren't for the Dark Lord. Now that he was involved in everything, too, that made everything not just more complicated – but way, way more dangerous. Draco swallowed. He knew he must not think of him – not only because it made him cringe, but also because his moteher had told him that if he wanted to close his mind before the master, he had to manage to control his thoughts, or it wasn't worth a try. Of course, she had already asked Bellatrix to teach him – but he didn't dare to think of what happened if he disappointed his mother. She was very worried, and for her, him learning occlumency seemed the most important thing. He had never quite understood why she wanted it so badly – after all, that was time he could spent improving his plan – but in light of what had happened now, maybe he should be indeed be learning to close his mind – before everyone.

In this moment, someone entered the library, causing his thoughts to stop circling. Ron. Draco glanced over to Hermione, who bent to him. 'Be convincing!'

He merely glared. Convincing. He wanted to convince the Dark Lord to believe he was doing a good job, even if he wasn't, and he wanted to convince his classmates to believe he was dating a mudblood. Seeing those things in comparison to each other, it seemed ridiculous to make thoughts about the latter.

'I'm serious, if you spoil it now, I'll have to see Dumbledore-'

Of course. That stupid, manipulating, blackmailing... _git_. He nodded, annoyed, and then tried to make a friendly face.

Although it was ridiculous and stupid, at the same time he got a bit distracted of what he should actually be worrying about. It wasn't as if he enjoyed the time he spent with Granger or anything, but it was... helpful. In some weird kind of way.

Ron came straight to them, glaring.

'Erm, hi,' Hermione said casually.

'Hi,' he said coldly. 'Can we talk?'

'Sure.'

Ron glanced at Draco, whose arms were crossed, suddenly determined to give a good impression. If he failed with his task, he wouldn't fail here. That was stupid thinking, of course, but he realised it was _fun_ to think stupid. Fun. Something he hadn't had in a while. Longing he thought back to his first years, where -

'Privately?,' Ron said.

Draco smirked at him.

'I can go, but you know, _Mione_ tells me everything anyway.' He was careful to emphasize the nickname he had given Granger and stretched out his hand and grabbed, more or less gently, Hermione's.

She flinched at the touch but concentrated not to draw it back. She even managed to look at Ron, apologetically.

'Fine!,' Ron snapped, and it gave Draco grim satisfaction to see that he was annoyed. 'I just wanted to say, since it's Parvati's and Padma's birthday today, I shall tell you, _Mione_ , that you are invited to have some cake later. Our common room. Parvati also said you are allowed to bring your boyfriend.' He looked at Malfoy crotchety.

'Okay, thanks for telling me,' said Hermione, glancing at Malfoy. 'We'd love to come.'

Draco flinched and gave a little groan. This evening? Not another lost night he needed for himself. Even if he hadn't planned to go to the room of requirement tonight, it would have been nice to catch up some sleep.

'Ah well,' Ron said, now definitely on edge, and turned to Malfoy. 'Just out of interest, is it still Draco, or are you blessed with a nickname too? Drikky, Acy?'

'Shut up, Won-Won,' Hermione said.

It took Draco a lot of discipline not to simply turn away and let them arrange everything, but in light of the fact he wanted to have some fun, he turned to Hermione, his attitude calm. For a second, he almost forgot the Dark Lord, when a thought occurred, a stupid idea, ridiculous... 'That's my girl.'

Ron snorted. He was just about to leave, and Hermione turned to her homework, as Draco bent over to her, and kissed her slightly on her cheek. It was a very short moment, but Hermione drew backwards immediately, looking startled. Draco frowned, trying to hide his smile. Well, she couldn't complain that he hadn't been convincing this time.

He didn't notice, but indeed the Dark Lord, the task, everything had faded from his mind for a brief moment. Everything Draco felt was satisfaction.

Hermione glanced at Ron. He looked at them, furiously, and then whirled around, leaving the library.

Then, Hermione turned to him.

Draco still smirked. 'What is it now?,' he asked annoyed. 'You've told me to be convincing, haven't you? About a million times?' Her shocked face made him grin, but he tried to keep it to a minimum – he didn't want to show her he was enjoying himself.

'No, it's fine,' she said, 'I just wasn't expecting it. Maybe we could plan such things beforehand.'

'Okay. Maybe you could ask me before you promise we'll come to this birthday thing this evening.'

That indeed was true. Kissing her was one think (not that it actually had been a real kiss), but stealing every single evening from him made Draco nervous again – as he felt how his thoughts returned, those thoughts that kept him from sleeping every night...

'What was I supposed to say? Everyone is expecting me to bring you as my boyfriend, of course you need to come.'

'And if I don't, you'll go straight to Dumbledore.'

'Exactly.'

He glared at her. 'Have I already told you you are a scummy mudblood?'

She didn't reply, but got up.

'Bye,' she said, and since everyone was watching she tried to stay nice. 'See you this evening.'

Draco nodded miserably, left to his questions, issues, and thoughts. Not enjoyable.

When he would return home over the weekend, and everyone would interrogate him about how he was improving, what was he supposed to say? The Dark Lord wouldn't accept any excuses, anyway, but he had the feeling that even his mother would be disappointed in him if she found out he didn't put all his effort in repairing the cabinets. And he didn't want her to worry... and his father was still gone... Everything was a mess. Everything. And it was down to him to get out of this mess, but it was him who made everything worse.

He felt how tears started coming up, and not being able to hold them back he got up and ran out of the library, stopped in a deserted corner and cried until he couldn't see anything clearly. No one passed by, and Draco was yet again alone, all alone with himself.

 _We're all not here for nothing/And we're bored with looking good/We gotta be starting something/Would you change it if you could?/Yeah, would you change it if you could?..._


End file.
